Adolescent Anger
Anger is an intense negative emotion experienced in response to frustration.
Frustration emerges when a person is denied something that is desired. Anger can
be viewed as a secondary emotion. A secondary emotion is one that functions to
cover, or cope with, another more primary feeling. It surfaces in response to a
person's feeling that they are loosing control, mistreated, vulnerable,
rejected, embarrassed, disappointed, etc. Anger can signify passion for a topic
and the importance of an event. Everyone experiences anger from time to time. It
becomes problematic when its intensity and frequency become disabling. Anger
becomes problematic when it prompts behavior that results in the loss of
friendships, conflict at home, and/or a decline in school grades.
Adolescence has been described as a period of high demands to determine one's
identity, meet the demands of peers, fit in, and balance the need for
independence with compliance to parental rules. Although children gain the
ability to accurately infer others' beliefs and feelings as early ad four years
of age, there is a return of this difficulty upon entrance into the teenage
years in what has been described as "adolescent egocentrism." Great
capacities to think rationally and solve problems are offset by pronounced
distortions in inferring others' beliefs, motivations, and intentions.
Adolescence may be characterized by feelings that others cannot possibly
understand their situation and that each situation is of critical importance and
is irreversible if a positive outcome is not reached (everyone is watching and
will notice). Normal developmental changes in the way adolescents think, relate
to others, and manage their own thoughts and feelings can create an atmosphere
that is vulnerable to struggles with anger.
Boys and girls can show anger in a number of similar ways. They may argue,
break rules, say hurtful things, or even become physically aggressive. There are
often differences, however, in the way in which anger surfaces. Anger in boys is
often overt and disruptive while anger and aggression in girls may be more
subtle. Angry boys are most often confrontational, overtly defiant,
argumentative, and rule breakers. Angry girls may more frequently use passive,
or indirect, aggression and relational aggression, behavior that is designed to
cause emotional pain. On both fronts, anger typically results from distorted
thought. Adolescents and children who are aggressive tend to process information
different than those who are not aggressive, particularly in ambiguous
situations. They tend to pay more attention to negative and hostile information,
interpret events more negatively, have less positive goals for responding and
generate fewer positive ideas for responding. Their chosen response to these
situations typically perpetuates the conflict.
Anger can be a very disruptive force in an adolescents school life, family
life, and relationships with peers. Thankfully, there are steps that parents can
take when they recognize problematic anger in their adolescents. First, open a
line of communication with your child. Try to gain some understanding of what
stress and struggles your child may be coping with. Second, be proactive and not
reactive. Plan ahead and make every effort to respond to your child's angry
outburst with compassion and the understanding that he/she is really in a
struggle with another issue that is just below the emotional surface. Finally,
recognize your limitations. God has gifted you in many ways. When your best
efforts have only taken you part of the way, rely on those who have been gifted
in other ways. Seek counsel from a mental health professional with knowledge and
experience in working with adolescents. Therapists can provide clear and sound
strategies for managing struggles in your child's life. Therapy can aide in
establishing greater awareness of the struggles that lead to anger and
strategies for managing the the feelings that do arise. Therapy can facilitate
clearer thought and the development of skills needed to make real life changes.
In some situations strong feelings of anger can pose a danger to others or
substantially impair progress in therapy. In these situations, medicine can
improve an adolescent's ability to tolerate the discussion of the struggles that
lead to anger. It can open the door to therapy.
Unresolved anger in adolescence can lead to family difficulties, school
difficulties, peer difficulties, and unresolved anger in adulthood. Probably the
greatest gift a parent can bestow to their child is emotional health and clarity
of perspective. These things can lead to the restoration of lost closeness in
families, focus on education, and friendships. Maybe even more importantly,
these things set the course for a healthy adulthood and spiritual growth.
By: Samuel D. Aloian, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist, The Antioch
Group
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